The Wrestler is America

The Wrestler is the archetype of the dying warrior, the falling, not yet fallen, hero. The Wrestler is beaten, bruised, scarred and scared--but he's proud to be standing on two feet. The Wrestler has a pure heart, but a body that won't cooperate. The Wrestler wants to do right by his family and friends, but is too set in his ways. He is intelligent, but uneducated. The Wrestler shoots steroids into his muscles, snorts powder up his nose, and worships the unholiest of deities--himself. The Wrestler is nourished by the love and respect he receives from his ragtag and loyal fans. The Wrestler will never quit--what would he do? He could never hold down a job. The Wrestler will die in the ring and his fans will cheer him on when he does it.

It's Fun To Smoke Marijuana

Remember when you could play records backwards? Those were the days. The world, to quote a former student of mine, was practically my oyster back then. I played "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen backwards and it sure sounded an awful lot like they were saying "It's fun to smoke marijuana." Only it was kind of trippy sounding, as if the words themselves had been smoking marijuana. I enjoyed doing that. Speaking of Queen, remember when "Bohemian Rhapsody" didn't make you change the station? I must have listened to that song a hundred times the first day I heard it. I didn't know music could sound like that, simultaneously operatic and hard-rocking. For a while I tried playing most of my record albums backwards, but nothing much happened, except on the aforementioned Queen, some later-mid-period Beatles stuff, and of course, one of the tunes off Pink Floyd's "The Wall"--but I can't remember which one.

Things Get A Little Weird Around Here On Sunday

Things get a little weird around here on Sunday. The usual places are closed, and we are forced to go to the smaller places, but the smaller places don't really act as though they want us there. (If they don't want us there, they shouldn't stay open.) The way the man looked at me yesterday made me think that perhaps something untoward was happening, perhaps in back. Then he slapped the change into my palm as if to say "no need to come back here next week. We know you only come around here on Sundays anyway and we're none too impressed." Things get a little weird around here on Sunday.

I Think I Pinned It Down

I think I pinned it down. I was wondering what was making me so depressed and I think I pinned it down. It wasn't a chemical imbalance and it certainly wasn't the weather. It wasn't work or lack of it. It wasn't drink or drug. It wasn't interpersonal relationship related. But I finally pinned it down: I was reading "The Road" by Cormac McCarthy and it was making me depressed. But in a good way.

Dennis Hopper Did It In "Apocalypse Now"

Dennis Hopper did it in "Apocalypse Now." Then Brad Pitt did it in "12 Monkeys." Jeremy Davies did it in Soderbergh's remake of "Solaris." James Franco will do it in "Pineapple Express." And I am going to do it in my job interview tomorrow morning.

Cleanliness Is (Nothing) Next To Godliness

In New York City, the street cleaners don't operate on religious holidays. Same-side parking rules are suspended during any remotely recognizable day of religious observance.

I Had So Much Coffee Today I Feel Like Ray Liotta's Character At The End Of "Good Fellas"

I had so much coffee today I feel like Ray Liotta's character at the end of "Good Fellas." When he thinks the helicopters are chasing him and he nearly crashes the car. I got up early, so I made an extra strong batch. I call them batches, not pots. Then this afternoon I made another batch when Phillip came over. That was what put me over the edge. I feel like Ray Liotta at the end of "Good Fellas."

It's A Good Thing Pelicans Aren't Aggressive

It's a good thing pelicans aren't aggressive. Imagine, my Florida vacation foreshortened by a midnight run to the emergency room, my friend's two-year-old son's eye needing to be replaced by a glass marble after an attack by what amounts to an oversized magpie with a sheath bill. It's a good thing pelicans aren't aggressive.

Sometimes I Can't Tell If You're Joking Or Not

Sometimes I can't tell if you're joking or not. When you say something, and you make that face, I really can't tell if you're joking for the life of me. It's weird because I usually get sarcasm--I'm quite sarcastic myself. I'm actually sort of known for it. But there's something about your sense of humor that I can't quite put my finger on. When you said that thing about the environment, were you joking? At first I thought you were serious, then after a few seconds I realized you were joking, but now, looking back on it, I'm not really sure.

Your Endless Questions Toward Getting Me To Qualify What I Assumed Was A Simple Order Does Not Good Customer Service Make

Your endless questions toward getting me to qualify what I assumed was a simple order does not good customer service make. Don't ask me anything after I place my order. I don't want to join the member rewards club. I don't even belong to the gym or have a library card, why would I join your club? The one pass I'll give you is size. That's a valid question and if I skipped it during ordering, I apologize, but I don't think I skipped it. Anyway, I for sure don't want anything else to eat besides what I ordered. No need to even ask. If I wanted it to go I would have said so. The reason I mentioned that I don't need a bag is that I didn't want a bag. Seriously, no bag. Thank you.