Letter to Egypt [Vol. 2]

[So this is not actually Volume 2, as I have not written a letter to Egypt yet. But you get the idea.]

Dear Egypt,

Please clean up your act. There are thirty million inhabitants in Cairo but you will not pay anybody to sweep the sidewalks or collect household trash, leaving your citizens no choice but to toss their trash in the seemingly endless irrigation ditches stemming from the Nile--the same channels in which people catch fish to feed their families. Your children bathe in this same water, full of garbage and human waste.

Have you noticed that of the many tourists who come here to visit, very few return for a second trip? This is because you hassle them, hustle them, rip them off, harangue them, and then lie that it ever happened like that. If I had been here on a two week vacation, I would have left after one week. You beg for things you don't necessarily need.

Have you no pride (or shame) in the food you grow, sell, or serve? Vegetables and fruit are served in a condition just short of rotten. A five dollar lemonade, listed as "fresh" on your menus, is nothing but powdered Country Time. Nescafe is your coffee beverage of choice. My friend ordered a milkshake the other day at lunch, and we will never understand how you could have possibly intended to serve it hot.

Where are you hiding the women? They don't wait or bus tables in your restaurants, or work in your hotels, or drive your buses and taxis. They aren't smoking shisha in your cafes or working in your shops. They don't pilot your river boats or sell wares on the street. What are they doing and where are they doing it?

What's with all the yelling? Can you not learn to communicate in softer tones? Every interaction need not be an argument or a chance to display your bravado.

Your infinite archaeological and historical attractions in and around Cairo, Luxor, and elsewhere are spectacular and well worth a trip here--something to be proud of indeed. Yet graft and mismanagement of these sites leaves visitors with more than just the taste of sand in their mouths.

I do not want a camel ride. I do not want a book of postcards. Thank you, I like my shirt too. I like Obama too, thank you. Really, thanks a lot. No, I do not want to buy a hat, sunglasses, or a scarf. No, I just told you I do not want a camel ride. No, not a donkey ride either. Or a horse, thank you. I refuse to be mocked for not riding your camel.

Keep honking your car horns, but please realize that nobody's listening. Sure, we all hear it, but the other drivers simply are not paying attention. May I suggest an alternative? Traffic lanes. (You know me, always thinking outside the box.) I have another suggestion: turn on your headlights after dark. Not only will it help you see the road, but it will help others see you as well.

I will be leaving Egypt in a few weeks. I hope you and I can learn to see eye to eye before then. If not, after I have gone, please keep me posted as to how things improve.

Best,

Kit

Letter from Egypt

And Now... Egypt.
After taking December off to travel in Syria, Lebanon, and Jordan (where I floated in the saline waters of the Dead Sea, and hiked the far reaches within the ancient city of Petra), I flew from Beirut to Cairo on the second to last day of 2009 to begin a new job on a TV show about (what else?) Egyptology.

No amount of Middle East sightseeing and adventure could have prepared me for the experiences I am having in Egypt. I consider myself very fortunate to have the opportunity to explore Egypt for such a substantial length of time--it's a seven week shoot--all the while earning a paycheck.

On my first day in Egypt I tech-scouted the Great Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx--I will be back there several days in the coming weeks to shoot. My second day had me riding atop a 4x4 shooting B-roll in the vast desert surrounding the Pyramids at Dahshur. And while my work has left me little time to explore Cairo itself, the largest city in North Africa, seeing the archaeological sites in which I spend my days have already made this trip worth a hundred vacations.

Because there are too many to properly manage and manage, the majority of archaeological sites in Egypt are closed to the public. But because we are working for the History Channel (a media entity known to drum up tourism) and because the Secretary General of the Supreme Council of Antiquities, Dr. Zahi Hawass, is the subject of our show, our production has been granted access to certain tombs, pyramids, and temples most people have not been able to visit for years. We even covered a bona fide discovery this week, one the Council is calling "the best find in years"--and the kind of thing archaeologists drool over.

In addition to shooting in and around Cairo and Giza, our crew will head south to Luxor for a week and north to Alexandria for a quick shoot there. This month I will have the once in a lifetime experience of being four hundred feet beneath the surface of the Earth when we shoot a scene inside a tomb at the Valley of Kings.

It's A Desert Because... It's A Desert
On a good physical map Egypt looks like a beige rhombus with a vertical green line drawn down the right side of it. Inside that green line is an even narrower blue line--that would be the Nile. You've probably heard of it. The rest of Egypt, I can report, is sand broken up by a few oases here and there. It's hot, then it's cold, but mostly it's dry.

Cairo is Huge
Cairo is the first place I have seen homeless people since being in the Middle East. I can only assume they are homeless because they are sleeping on subway grates. The transition to a major city in a new-to-me part of the world was made much easier by my having spent so much time in the region already. If Beirut was like Albuquerque, Damascus like Chicago, and Jordan like Ohio: then Cairo is a dirty Los Angeles. It's vast, crowded, noisy, diverse, and difficult to navigate. The traffic is insane beyond belief. The smog is thick as mud, the buildings are dusty. Sadly, it's tough to find good food here (especially coming from Lebanon and Syria where one must search out a meal that's less than perfect). So far, I have not seen anything I would describe as "quaint" in Egypt.

For anyone planning a trip to the Middle East, I would suggest Egypt for the archaeological wonders, Syria for exotic and exciting Arabic culture, Jordan for rest, relaxation, and sightseeing, and Lebanon for partying like a rockstar, and eating delicious food--though you can hike and ski there too.

Am I Going to Hell?
My job has me holed up in the Four Seasons Hotel, overlooking the Nile on one side and the Great Pyramids of Giza on the other. Wouldn't it be my luck to get stuck with the Pyramid side? Several evenings I have watched the sun go down behind the Great Pyramids of Giza as I kicked back on my private balcony strumming the El Cheapo guitar I purchased months ago in Lebanon.

I am shocked I actually have it in me to complain about the service at the Four Seasons. The main problem is that it's too good. The staff have no qualms about touching my razor and toothbrush, and they continue to fold my dirty laundry even after I have asked them to stop because that confuses me. There are too many options to choose from at breakfast. The workers don't leave me alone and they are far too pleasant. People actually come by at night to save me the trouble of turning down the blankets on my bed, and aligning up my complimentary slippers for easy entry. When I call down to ask for a wake up call, the scripted response is "with pleasure, Mr. Bland," to which the only reply I can think of is "Pleasure? Really?"

So, yes, hello, it's me, a fat North American sitting pretty on the African continent, complaining about the all too eager service in my luxury hotel while miles away entire families subside on whatever piastres they can gather transporting their crops to market by ox or donkey, or raising a few goats for slaughter.